From first grade until eight grade, I went to a Catholic middle school named Holy Family Parish School. My family has always been affiliated with the Catholic faith, however, the main reason I went to the school was due to its proximity to my house at the time. I lived so close that I could wake up and walk to the school 5 minutes before the first bell and make it there with time to spare.
Within this school, the idea of homosexual relationships was not a common conversation topic. It was not necessarily shunned - but it was definitely not something that was considered a norm.
This soon became problematic because when I was about 11, I started to question my sexuality. I would like to say what happened was some sort of burning sensation that I was incomplete followed by a revelation that I may not be heterosexual. What actually happened was I looked at one of my male friends and thought, “dang he’s cute.”
Immediately after thinking this, it felt like my brain hit a speed bump. I had to stop for a second and gather my bearings. I was scared to tell anyone in fear of what they would think or say. I contemplated what to do for many days, but ultimately I shoved the memory out of my mind and moved on with my life.
This worked until October 8th, 2013. On that day, the book The House of Hades by Rick Riordan hit stores.
At this point in my life I basically worshiped the author and his stories surrounding mythology, so as soon as I got out of school, I forced my dad to take me to Barnes and Noble so I could buy the new book (with my dad's money of course.) Upon arriving home, I spent practically the entire afternoon reading - but about halfway through I read a passage that made me put down the book and think.
You see, there’s this character named Nico Di Angelo who is the son of the Greek god Hades. He was always a loner who didn't seem to fit in with the other Demigods (people who were half god and half human.) He spent most of his time by himself because he felt that others did not understand him. Despite him not playing a “pivotal role” in the books, I always resonated more closely with him than any other character.
In The House of Hades, he had to work with other demigods for the greater good. At one point in the novel, he and a fellow Demigod came across the god Cupid. Cupid forced Nico to reveal a secret that he had never told anyone - he was in love with Percy Jackson (a son of Poseidon.)
After reading this, I closed the book and cried. I realized the reason I related to Nico was because - just like him - I felt misunderstood and thought it was better to distance myself from most people. I never fit in with everyone else at my school and constantly felt like an outsider - even among my closest friends. I realized that just like Nico, I was attracted to boys.
After this, I started to think about myself and relationships in a different way and ultimately discovered that I was unlike others from my school.
Even after this eye-opener, I was not entirely sure of who I was and what everything I felt truly meant. It took a few years before this became more clear - but thanks to Nico Di Angelo and his experiences in The House of Hades - I started a path of self revelation that formed me into who I am today.